JW Consciousness Stream - 14 November 2025

JW Consciousness Stream - 14 November 2025

This entry represents something like my stream of consciousness for Friday, 14 November, 2025. This is basically like a journal entry that I work on throughout the day and then don't go back to correct errors.

Originally published as: https://deliverystack.net/2025/11/13/jw-consciousness-stream-14-november-2025/

I gotta admit that I didn't wake up in a good mood today. I don't like to complain, but here's some context. I've got a couple of broken toes healing, and I stubbed my foot yesterday, so it hurts more. I don't think I re-broke anything, but it feels like I jammed it, like when you catch a basketball the wrong way and it bends the finger backwards. Also, I didn't stopped taking pain killers yesterday. I probably at least compressed my spine a bit in the accident as well. At least I get the pins out of my foot in ten days from now. Then I should be able to walk, but recovery to whatever ends up being the final state will take another month or so.

I had an unpleasant exchange with Wendy when she got home from school yesterday. She hadn't done her homework and had already started watching videos on her sister's computer. I hobbled over to see what she was watching. Knowing that I wouldn't like it, she put a hand in front of my eyes and told me to go lay down. I asked her if the video was more important to her than me and she definitely thought that it was. It's hard to communicate with anyone that age, but especially someone who basically has English as a second language in a country where it's very difficult to learn anything.

I lay down for a few minutes but offered to help with her homework. Kham came and started the homework, so I hobbled back, hid the laptop, and went to bed, but didn't fall asleep for a few hours. Today my neck hurts and I have a headache. I really need massage, but my chest also still hurts, and I don't know if I can lay on it.

I had intended not to intake much news yesterday, but I need to improve my self discipline. I saw some really upsetting news about Sudan yesterday, which is a situation that I have mostly been ignoring because I'm already stressed out enough about my personal life, Trump, Ukraine, Palestine, and constantly seeing news about people losing jobs or unable to find work, supposedly due to Artificial Intelligence.

From bed, I wrote to several people and had a decent exchange with Dennis in Dominica. Nobody else had much input. As usual, Marta had misinterpreted something I wrote recently and seems to want to end our friendship. I don't understand what happened. She apparently accidentally got upset when I agreed with something she had written, but she's not the type of person that can admit that they make a mistake, and I'm not going to apologize to her for something she got wrong.

I don't even feel like coming up with a list of songs today. Actually, I may have largely tapped out my reserve of artists that are not already extremely well-known. Honestly, I don't feel like sitting at the computer today, but I want to express myself and I don't have anything else to do. I'm tired of being in bed, so I don't want to just lie there and record audio, though that would probably be the best compromise so that I can recover better. I like to type though, and audio creates more work because then I have to incorporate it into the book or whatever later.

I guess the really big issue that I'm still trying to deal with is that a small group of evil men with extremely concentrated wealth basically control the world. This is incredibly challenging because I was raised to care about people, as an idealist thinking that the history of humanity indicated social progress. This year, it feels like the level of compassion in our species has stepped back several hundred years.

At least the US government is open again and we might see the Epstein files soon, though I wish that the two teams had been able to negotiate a bit first, especially since they got paid for that entire month. And something seems to have dropped US equity markets significantly overnight, but I don't really care to check the news about that. I've been liquidating assets for a while, so it shouldn't affect me too much, unless the market never recovers, which it - always has. My perspective is that it's been a long time since such markets are never based on reality rather than news headlines, algorithms, and mass psychology.

Since I'm already in a bad mood, I shouldn't read the news or write about negative topics experiences, but instead focus on other aspects of life: good memories, virtues, gentle life lessons, technology, and things of that nature. From seeing the following, I started looking into Hyprland and was going to write about that, but it looks like there are too many dependencies and changes, and therefore risk, as I'm not really an expert on Linux and don't really want to start from a clean installation if something goes wrong:

I probably won't, but I think maybe I should go to a hotel for a few days. I care about both of them as well as Namneung, but I can't really see myself spending the weekend with Kham and Wendy. I can probably get the corporate rate at the Amari, which is my favorite hotel here and has a great breakfast. For that I would need to take the monitor and I won't have a vehicle, which may result in a lot walking that I shouldn't be doing. The hotel has a good pool and the children could come and play there, so I would be able to see them a bit, but not too much and not when they're trying to use devices.

I would probably end up drinking, which wouldn't be good for my healing, and it's embarrassing when locals see me on crutches. I've been riding motorbikes in Southeast Asia for at least seven years but I feel like a tourist walking around with a broken foot. I also feel trapped in this house, like that guy in the Stephen King movie Misery. Kham really isn't that bad and I should write some good things about her as well.

Wow it's almost 6:30 already. The children will be awake soon. Screed complete; I'll try to work on the book for a bit. Now when were those good memories...

Now it's about 7:30. I went to the kitchen while the girls had breakfast. At first, Wendy would not make eye contact or talk to me, so I explained to Namneung what had happened. Wendy thawed a little bit but never really warmed up. If they don't leave for school soon, the traffic will get bad.

Bonhoeffer popped up in my YouTube feed recently.

Here's a short summary from ChatGPT that's relatively easy to post in social media threads.

For history, see also:

It's 9:30 and I've actually done quite a bit of writing, mostly about the end of my marriage. Kham is making a salad for breakfast, so I'll take a break.

Now it's almost 12:30. I did some writing. Then my friend Steve called and we talked for almost an hour. I just took a shower and now I'll probably go downstairs and watch some YouTube. Kham said she would give me a massage today, but she often says things like that and they don't happen. I think she's not even here right now and she will have to pick up Wendy around 4:00, which probably won't leave time for a decent massage.

2:00. I need to stop being so pessimistic and negative. Kham was here, but she was exercising, which seems to be about the only healthy or productive thing that interests her (she hasn't worked since I met her). She gave me a decent massage. It can be hard to lie on my chest for long, but it's getting better. There is one place on the left side of my back, possibly my ribs but it feels closer to the skin, that really hurts when I move in certain ways.

Now I hope to take a nap, maybe listen to an audio book or read. I'll go to a restaurant later and probably have some beer. Beer isn't great for the healing process, but I really want to stay off painkillers, and I'm bored and need to get away from the house and have some falang food. I think the word is actually "farang", but since Lao people generally can't pronounce R, it sounds like falang. Apparently there was once a Lao character that sounded like R, but at some point they removed it. It is not an offensive term.

I just looked it up. From Wikipedia:

Farang (Persian: فرنگ [fæˈɹæŋg]) is a Persian word that originally referred to the Franks (the major Germanic people) and later came to refer to Western or Latin Europeans in general. The word is borrowed from Old French franc or Latin francus, which are also the source of Modern English France, French."

Incidentally, "kathoey" (pronounced more like "gatoy" here) in Laos and Thailand is generally not considered to be an offensive term for something like "ladyboy" in English, though people seem to say it with a lowered voice and possibly even humor, though not derisively.

Kathoey or katoey (Khmer: ខ្ទើយ, khtəəy; Lao: ກະເທີຍ, ka thœ̄i, Lao pronunciation: [kàtʰɤːj]; Thai: กะเทย; RTGS: kathoei, Thai pronunciation: [kàtʰɤːj]), commonly translated as ladyboys in English, is a term used by some people in Cambodia, Laos, and Thailand who were assigned male at birth and present as transfeminine or effeminate. Transgender women in Thailand mostly use terms other than kathoey when referring to themselves, such as phuying (Thai: ผู้หญิง, 'woman'). In the context of Thai gender norms, many perceive kathoeys as belonging to a third gender.

In the face of the many sociopolitical obstacles that kathoeys navigate in Thailand, kathoey activism has led to constitutional protection from unjust gender discrimination as of January 2015, but a separate third gender category has not yet been legally recognized.