My Worst Mistakes

This article provides information about what I consider to be the worst mistakes of my life, ordered from worst to least bad. At the same time, each of these mistakes led to learning and experiences that shaped who I am now. It's not even possible to be certain that they were more harmful than other directions I could have taken in life at the time.

Originally published as: https://deliverystack.net/2025/12/02/my-worst-mistakes/

This is actually a bit of an update to this post:

• https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn%3Ali%3Ashare%3A7197847682499923969/

Marrying My Ex-Wife

Marrying the woman that is now my ex-wife was absolutely the worst mistake that I ever made. It led to significant suffering, took my life off course, and resulted in several other mistakes. I think I knew that the relationship was a mistake and that marriage would be a mistake, but I felt like I had already gone too far and didn't want to abandon her or start over. I really wanted to be in love and, at least sometimes, must have felt that I was at the time. I had recently exited a relatively good experience that had lasted almost ten years, which was basically my only truly significant relationship until that point. I didn't understand how bad a person or a relationship could be, and how much damage it could do to my life.

The truth is that if I wanted to be happy, I should never have even met her.

This decision:

• Made much of the subsequent two decades of my life unpleasant.
• Prevented me from engaging in activities that would have been good for my physical and mental health.
• Cost me an incredible amount of money during the relationship and after it ended.
• Caused me to have two children that I had known I did not want and that we had agreed before marriage that we would not have.
• Kept me stuck in the USA when I wanted to live in other countries.
• Got me to buy first a condo and then a house that I didn't want; I still have significant responsibility for the house where I don't live.
• Left me with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) due to persistent emotional manipulation and abuse.

Mental and Physical Health

• I could have focussed more on my own mental and physical health.
• Specifically, I could have avoided unhealthy relationships, eaten healthier, exercised more, drank less alcohol, smoked less weed, and done less LSD.
• I would like to have done more journaling earlier in life.

Social Life

I could have worked less in order to make time to prioritize having fun and being social, especially with my brothers and close friends.

Doing Things for Others

I could have done less for other people and not let them influence my decisions.

Leaving Asia

Once I had relocated to Singapore, I never should have left Asia, which is one of the places I always wanted to live much more than the USA. My ex-wife forced this decision. As soon as I got back to the USA, we agreed to divorce.

Having Children with My Ex-Wife

I want to be clear that I love all of my children. That being said, having children was against my ethics and objectives, and I wonder what life would have been like with more money, less responsibility, and greater freedom. From very early in life I knew that I did not want to have children.

When we met, my ex-wife and I agreed that we would not have children, but would adopt orphaned Asian girls. We had two abortions. I don't know if she had been dishonest or changed her mind, but within a few years, she pressured me to have children.

I had three options:

• Split up. As bad as the marriage was, I have never been a proponent of divorce.
• Have children and be unhappy.
• Don't have children and she will be unhappy and make me unhappy.

So, we had a couple of boys.

Here are some of the reasons that I didn't want children:

• I lost my mother at an early age, which almost certainly left me with some form of attachment disorder.
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder
• Though we lived together, my dad was largely absent from my life and was generally not a good role model. He was also an alcoholic.
• My step-mother was an alcoholic maniac.
• The world is overpopulated and I didn't want to make it worse.
• I knew that children born during my lifetime would face a declining planet and society.
• In college, I studied child development and developmental psychology, both of which made me paranoid about all of the things that can go wrong, especially considering the factors in my own childhood.
• I didn't want the expense or responsibility of raising children.

Having Wendy with Kham

After my ex-wife and I agreed to divorce after what had been a very lonely marriage for me, I really wanted to be in love again. I thought I fell in love when I met Kham in Laos, like our relationship was meant to be. Immediately when she and I met, I told her that I did not want a marriage or children. I wanted to use birth control but did not stand my ground when she told me that she had heard that there were health risks. When I suggested abortion, she said that the monks would say that abortion is a sin. I don't know if she got pregnant intentionally, but it happened almost immediately.

Now:

• I had at least the same reasons to not have Wendy as I had to not have my boys in the USA.
• I have children on two continents, which is quite challenging.
• Long-term responsibility when I already knew that I didn't want children
• To spend time with my daughter, I must spend time with Kham, who is often a dishonest and unpleasant person.
• Laos can be unpleasant, poor and dirty with bad air quality, but it is not realistic to expect Wendy to move. There are many other places that I prefer to be.
• Being in Laos causes me to drink too much beer, bad music, rice whiskey, and unpleasant food.
• I am too old and spend too little time immersed to learn the Lao language.
• Seeing Wendy and my boys in the USA requires too much travel, especially flying, which has a negative impact on my time, my health, and the global environment.

Motorbike Accident

In October of 2025, I had a motorbike accident in Laos that has restricted my activities for more than a month and left me with permanent discomfort and limitations.

Buying Albany Condo

With what now appears to be nesting instinct, before she informed me that she wanted children, my ex-wife convinced me to buy a condo in the bay area, even though I had asked her not to even look at condos. We lived there for five years, which was rather unpleasant for various reasons. It turned out to be a bad investment, especially as Susan took its entire value in the divorce, though she had not earned much of that.

My financial losses bother me much less than my emotional losses, especially as I've had numerous financial gains that more than offset those losses. I guess, like everything in my life apparently, it all ends up as a wash.

Buying West Portland House

After the condo, we bought a house in East Portland, which was great, but then we bought a house on a forested property on the West side. I told Susan not to look at a house that she subsequently decided to buy. There are good things about this house, but it's been a bad financial investment and has left me with a commitment to the USA that I want to eliminate as well as a great deal of responsibility.

Phuket Condo Investment

Before COVID, I invested in a condo in Phuket, Thailand, that turned out to be a fraud or a failure. I lost everything that I had invested.

Chiang Mai Condo Investment

Before COVID, I invested in two condos in Chiang Mai, Thailand, that turned out to be frauds or failures. I lost almost everything that I had invested.

Fracking Well Investment

About a decade ago, I submitted to sales pressure and invested in a fracking well that was either a fraud or turned out to be a failure. I lost everything that I invested.

Thai Car Accident

I intend to write the story, but I totaled a car in Thailand. It cost me a little bit of money, but my passenger was slightly injured and it was an embarrassing hassle.

Buying BMW E36 M3s

Before I had children, I had a 1996 BMW M3, which I really liked and in which I invested time and money. When we had our first son, I sold this car. Years later, I tried to replace it. I ended up buying three E36 M3s, one of which was a salvage that was fun, but which gave me endless problems and on which I probably took a financial loss. On another, I probably broke even, but that was after storing it for two years while I was in Singapore. I still own the third, which I will probably gift to my younger son, but it's also been an expensive hassle.

Lesser Issues

• I've had relationships with several women that I could have avoided.
• There were times that I had a bad attitude and was not as pleasant or involved at work as I could have been, both when I worked for other companies (especially the times I lived in Ireland and Singapore) and when I owned part of my own company. I could have been more political to make the environments more pleasant and tranquil.
• I would like to have more pictures of myself from earlier in life.
• I would like to have wasted less time, for example watching mindless television or using the Internet.
• I got a DUI that I could have avoided.

Conclusion

Again, almost all of my mistakes had some good consequences, so I don't necessarily have regrets. I think I would just make slightly different choices if I were to live the same life again, but hope to do the same main things (especially the company in which I owned a share and the travel I've done).

File: articles/2025/December/worst-mistakes.md