Apologies [and Forgiveness]

This article provides a little perspective on apologies.

Originally published to: https://deliverystack.net/2025/11/09/apologies/

My good friend Marta, who often functions something like a muse, apologized to me yesterday for something they had written. Sometimes her perspectives offer insight, and I value that. Because she does not understand all of my context, sometimes her ideas seem completely unfounded and invalid. I always try to find the value and learn, often about her feelings rather than my own, discarding whatever doesn't fit.

People often read emotion into things based on their current mood rather than just the written words. I try to read without emotion, and especially without reacting. I accept that everything that anyone says or writes reflects their unique perspective based on thier individual context. I think most people are not actually trying to hurt each other and deserve forgiveness for any unintentional affronts or other errors.

So, here's basically my generic response to an apology, which may sound unfeeling but is my preferred perspective. As much as it is important to apologize when you realize you've done something wrong, it is more important to forgive.

I accept and appreciate your apology.
Thank you for caring about my feelings,
and telling me how you feel,
but it doesn't change anything for me.

And if your apology doesn't indicate
that you are going to try to change your behavior,
then it doesn't mean anything to anyone.

When I am weak, then I can be upset for a moment,
but the harm doesn't influence me for the long term,
and they won't change our relationship.
Only my own words, thoughts, and actions can offend me,
and I can only change myself for the future.

If you didn't mean to harm me,
then why should I get upset?
And if you meant to hurt me,
then why should I let you win?
Carrying anger damages me, not you.